True Colors
Music has forever been a prominent ingredient in the recipe of my life. From dancing in the living room every night while my dad joyfully played piano, to closed-eyed, trance-like listening to Karen Carpenter on the home stereo, to seven years of choir, to crying in bed with the saddest songs playing through headphones after every heartbreak, to singing in church, music is in my DNA and has been a friend when people couldn’t reach me.
It’s fascinating how seasons in life—in my life at least—can develop a soundtrack that accompanies any memories from that time. I lived in Chicago from 2011-2013 and listening to Jason Mraz’ Love is a Four Letter World still transports me to the CTA heading for my downtown job. Hits from Steely Dan, Bread, Don McClean, and Jim Croce remind me of being crammed in a van with my seven siblings and all our luggage for ten hours a day on our way to a family reunion in Oregon. Hymns bring me back to family devotions or church services singing from a crushed spirit for whatever wrong I was repenting for at the time.
There are few memories and emotions more powerful than those from being in a choir. I never had the voice to be a strong soloist, but being one thread in a tapestry of voices magically weaving colors and textures to reveal a musical masterpiece was a uniquely spiritual experience; a synchronized dance of voices that swept away the souls of singers and hearers alike. I cherish the years spent improving my instrument and learning from the most talented musicians I’ll ever know in real life (looking at you, Austin Skinner).
As life changes, music changes, too. Songs that once comforted me or gave me words for worship now don’t always find a place to land in my mind and heart. Something still crescendos in me when the melody begins, but the words often bring an unexpected discord that I don’t yet know how to reconcile.
In one case recently though, that discord turned to harmony. Over the past year, musician Alanah Sabatini began thrilling their “exvangelical” and faith-deconstructing followers by teasing rewrites of some beloved church songs. There was clearly a hidden community out there who still had these tunes in their hearts, but for whom the words wouldn’t sing right now. Those were lovely appetizers, but Alanah was preparing a feast none of us were expecting. A month or so ago a call for singers was posted to their Instagram inviting any with the inclination to add their voice to a virtual choir that would close out the first full-length rewrite they were releasing. When I saw the post I gave myself no time to change my mind and responded immediately that I wanted to be involved.
There is little else left to write because Alanah’s song is out now and it sings for itself. Please listen to this authentic piece of art that built a new cathedral for wandering choral voices to gather in and weave together a new and beautiful story.
